The Alternative Tempest The play opens with a group of drunken Muppets from
Italy, Gonzo, a blue monster thing with a bent nose, the King of Naples, Kermit
a green frog with massive eyes, sailing home after the marriage of his daughter
to the King of Tunis. They were drunk because they had previously been over to
France on a 'booze cruise' in search of the duty frees. During the voyage the
weather suddenly got a lot worse but nobody noticed because they were soused out
of their tiny minds, apart from this weird bloke with a really tiny head that
nobody know his name. He hangs around with a pink elephant, or so they thought!
The ship tips from side to side and the puppets, oops I mean people on board
don't jump off, they fall off and somehow float to shore. From this point
onward, all the action occurs on the island. In the second scene, we meet Fozzy
Bear, the former Duke of Milan. Fozzy explains to his daughter, Miss Piggy, how
he was constantly high on 'Junior Disprol' and cheap orangeade and so he lost
his Dukedom twelve years previous. His brother, the Swedish Chef who had
received financial help from King Gonzo, had overthrown him. Meanwhile, Dr
Bunsen Honeydew, (a genius scientist with a head that looks exactly like a big,
green melon) had ordered an old nobleman to, Rowlf (a big dog with a passion for
playing on his saxophone) to abandon Fozzy Bear and his young daughter out at
sea in a leaky boat.
Rowlf however was feeling sorry for them and provided food, drink and a bit
of totty on the side to keep them busy. On shore Fozzy and Miss Piggy had found
one other inhabitant, his name was Animal, a demented red furred monster that
seemed to take a fancy to Miss Piggy. At first Fozzy liked Animal and decided to
educate him until he tried 'it on' with her and Fozzy had no choice but to give
him a damn good kicking. Fozzy Bear had also found a rat-like creature that said
he was a spirit but had been imprisoned in a tree. Fozzy had to set him free by
swinging Animal around his head and smashing him onto the tree, thus destroying
it. Rizzo the Rat had to promise to obey his commands as a condition of letting
him out, otherwise he would let Animal eat him. Still under Fozzy's commands
Rizzo lures Dr Honeydew's son, Clifford, away from the rest of the group and
towards Fozzy's cell but when Clifford lays eyes on Miss Piggy he thought Well…I
haven't had 'any' for a while now and she's not too bad. She fell in love with
him but only because she had never seen a man her own age before. Fozzy's
match-making plan was working and to get them even more together he decided to
put difficulties in their way, as he knew that his daughter would do the
opposite of anything her father tells her to do. Accordingly, in spite of Miss
Piggy's pleas for mercy Clifford is apprehended as a prisoner and condemned to
give Animal piggyback rides round the island to stop him pestering Fozzy's
daughter. In the meantime, Dr Honeydew reckons that his son has been in an
accident involving whipped cream and a hamster and is filled with grief
