Punishment verses Discipline Children develop concepts of self from different
sources. One way that children learn to feel good about themselves is through
parental discipline. Although it may not feel good at the time, it is absolutely
necessary for children to feel safe. Discipline is not the same as punishment.
Punishment is one technique used in discipline. Punishment can be physical, such
as hitting and slapping and verbal abuse or it can be psychological as in
disapproval, isolation, loss of privileges or shaming. While such punishment may
seem to get fast results, in the long term it is more harmful than helpful.
Physical punishment can discourage and embarrass children and develop low
self-esteem in them. Some experts argue that it also promotes physical
aggression in children by showing them that violence is acceptable. Punishment
focuses on past behavior and does not always teach a child the lesson that needs
to be learned when making your own mistakes. My personal experience with
discipline and punishment goes from one extreme to another. As a small child, to
age nine, I was spoiled and allowed to do what I wanted. My mother would allow
me to stay out of school, stay up late and not complete my homework whenever I
whined for long enough. The Catholic School that I went to was very strict and
used physical punishment and guilt to get students to behave in class. After my
parents died, from nine to sixteen, I was disciplined through strong physical
and verbal abuse. My aunts and uncles became so enraged at times that I was
never sure what I was in trouble for. These situations were definitely absent of
a lesson learned. Needless to say, my parental role models method of punishment
was not something I chose to use as part of parenting techniques. Instead I
chose to use discipline (on most good parenting days!) Discipline means to
teach. It should be a positive way of helping and guiding children to achieve
self-control, self-esteem and confidence. Children need discipline for many
reasons some of that are protection, to get along with others, and to understand
limits. Discipline helps children understand the logical consequences of their
actions and learn common rules that everyone must live by.
It can help teach a child values that are held by the family and community.
The purpose of discipline, then, is to teach children acceptable behavior so
that they will make wise decisions when dealing with problems. Emotional
Intelligence Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand other
people: what motivates them, how they work, how to work cooperatively with them.
Successful salespeople, politicians, teachers, clinicians, and religious leaders
are all likely to be individuals with high degrees of interpersonal
intelligence. Intrapersonal intelligence is a correlative ability, turned
inward. It is a capacity to form an accurate, veridical model of oneself and to
be able to use that model to operate effectively in life. Emotional intelligence
(EI) refers to an ability to recognize the meanings of emotions, and to reason
and problem solve on the basis of them. EI involves the capacity to perceive
emotions, assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of
those emotions, and manage them. EI can be assessed most directly by asking a
person to solve emotional problems, such as identifying the emotion in a story
or a painting. EI is a type of social intelligence that involves the ability to
monitor one's own and others emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use
the information to guide one's thinking and actions (Mayer & Salovey, 1993).
According to Salovey & Mayer (1990) EI involves abilities that may be
categorized into five domains: · Self-awareness: Observing yourself and
recognizing a feeling as it happens. · Managing emotions: Handling feelings so
that they are appropriate; realizing what is behind a feeling; finding ways to
handle fears and anxieties, anger, and sadness. · Motivating oneself: Channeling
emotions in the service of a goal; emotional self control; delaying
gratification and stifling impulses. · Empathy: Sensitivity to others' feelings
and concerns and taking their perspective; appreciating the differences in how
people feel about things. · Handling relationships: Managing emotions in others;
social competence and social skills. Emotional intelligence does not mean giving
free rein to feelings; rather it means managing feelings so that they are
expressed appropriately and effectively, enabling people to work smoothly toward
their common goals. It is my belief that compared to IQ and expertise, emotional
intelligence matters twice as much to achieve excellence in different
professions and it is particularly central to leadership qualities. Measuring
emotions is completed through measuring all three components. A researcher may
measure one’s heart rate after that person has been told no to something the
have request. They may conduct studies to see the different facial expressions
on children when participating in the same activity. Research of the
experiential component could be concluded by self-report. A researcher may ask a
child how they feel after certain incidents.
